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Please help Hello everyone! Me and my boyfriend (we ar

Please help

Hello everyone!

Me and my boyfriend (we are dating nearly 5 years) are dealing with a narcissists in my boyfriend´s family (it´s his twinsister). I always thought I have a pretty good guess about people. I thought wrong. I used to be a friend with her still three years ago, and I must admit that on the beginning of everything I really did like her, enjoyed her company etc. She can be so charming, helpful... that one wouldn´t even guess.

If I would tell to some of her friends how she behaves, I actually think that hardly they would believe me. I met her through my (not anymore) best friend, cause they started to date (they seemed to be like a nicely matching gay couple). Just want to mention, I live abroad and my (not anymore) friend is from the same country as I am. Than through her I met her brother, my boyfriend. The closer I got to her more I could see that something is ,,off,,. I started to feel it more and more. But I was thinking ,,Ok, we all we have some mistakes, maybe it´s just me.. ,,. And also i didn´t want to hurt ,,family,,.

But her behavour towards me has changed pretty qickly. She started to be mean to me as well and also it seems like she is jealous that her brother naturally spends more time with me.. Yes, later on when I had so enough for some time already, we had some fights too. I always tried to keep myself away from this, but sometimes I already exploded and I guess, it´s exactly what she wanted me to do so. I felt after horribly down, crying, blaming myself or anything and self-pity too.. and she like didn´t even need to ,,recover,, or anything.

Mostly it ended up that she has turned herself into a victim sometimes crying a rivers too... She has never apologized to me for anything. There were times that I really hoped she would do so and everything will get better-even I was so pissed and disappointed, deep inside myself I hoped it will change... Pretty much in whole boyfriend´s family it´s like ,,they are used to it,, and it goes like - She makes mess, relieve herself or whatever it is and than everything continues as nothing has happend. Often it is like you have to pamper her as she would be small kid. Give her attention, show or tell her how good she is etc.

As I am a very sensitive peson, well let´s admit it-oversensitive person, I really did suffer a lot from this behaviour and it still goes on, more or less. When she was younger she attempted a suicide and also there was a self harming thing.

Finally i got enough about three years ago and I stopped to swallow her bulls-its. It was bringing me just mental breakdowns. She is able to pick on a drama literally from anything, anytime. We could have a great time or a nightmare. It became uncomfortable spending time with her, cause you never knew which one it will be.

However this might sound from my own mouth, I know I am not a bad person and i do not deserve this. Or atleast i do hope not that bad. I had a talk with her and not just once. Nice calm talk. I tried to talk carefully, cause I knew that in her world doesn´t exist ,, I was wrong... I made a mistake...,,

As long as you agree(d) with her and admire her, everything works quite fine. Those three years ago my boyfriend had a car accident. After that everything went to hell when once i dared to tell her ,,That she was selfish,,. It was maybe not even a second, she started straigtly to YELL at me. I guess I touched her big ego. I got really pissed and didn´t want to continue cause it wasn´t leading anywhere good as always, so I decided to leave, and told her not to follow me. She did and was still yelling like crazy. I told her second time do not follow me. She was screaming at me that my boyfriend is her brother and I am just his girlfriend and that she was with him in mom´s belly 9 months and that my friend is her girlfriend and I am only her friend.. like showing me that i am not important or i dont know how to explaing it to myself.

Than I did something i am not proud of.. I slapped her. It felt like my hand did it itself. I was shaking, sitting on the bed, i couldnt´t even breathe and than i did it. I didn´t know how to finally stop her. Straight after I apologized three times. It is maybe weird, but even i was in an unpleasant state of mind, I do remember. She started to scream at me, that ,,You are selfish b-tch, I don´t want you see ever in my house /well, house wasn´t hers/ and so on. I felt like I was shot with million of word bullets at the same time. There was going on more, but already this will become pretty long.. But yea, non of it was nice.

Than her dad had to step in and embrace her from behind and sqeeze her tightly, cause probably she would have jump on me. It looked like she is about to do so. After that I had like some anxiety attacks or what was it. I wasn´t ever shaking that much as I did and I couldn´t stop it. I had long shifts at work. Also being very worried about my boyfriend and also about that, what has happened between me and his sister..., cause he was that one hurt there and needed to relax, not to be solving these things as a bonus... I felt really guilty for that, that I didnt manage to cope myself anymore and slapped her. But as well I know, that it was all pilling in me for so long that this car accident mess was the last drop and my very last personal contact with her.

I know it was a very hard situation for all, of course not just for me..., but there is no reason to take love as some competition ,,Who loves whom more,,. And I think I may have trauma from that all. My friend secretely came to visit me to see how am i doing telling to her that she will be longer at work. Than she was leaving with words ,,I have to go home or she will start calling where am I etc.,,. I felt so lonely. And desperate. Wanted to runaway, but didnt know where to... I didnt forbid to my bf seeing her, cause i knew/know I dont have any right to do so. But I must admit, I was playing with that thought on my mind and started to loose my patience as well. I even wrote him a letter about that all, even though we dont have a communicaton problem.

Later on her parents wanted me to apologize to them, cause I slapped their daughter. I didn´t do that, cause i didn´t feel I should. It was between me and her, not them. I think they are also like ,,kept in fear,, by her - cause of her past and what she was doing. Before I didn´t have ANY issues with her parents, I even called them myself ,,mom,, and ,,dad,,.

I couldn´t stop crying, I thought i have become crazy or something. My boyfriend is really nice and I know he loves me as much as I do love him, which is a LOT! :) We have a nice relationship, but this of course somehow affect it. We are not fighting much really, but after being bullied over the texts etc. by her, i feel VERY bothered. She claimed that she went through self-reflexion, but her actions don´t show that. Also she has offered that we could meet and clear the things up. I refused, cause it never worked. She tried to seperate us by for example writting that ,,She knows me better, and she knows who I am, and that I am manipulating him etc.,, It was very painful for me, but I knew where it all is coming from. Still I let her to hurt me. My bf knows what his sister is.

We were desperate what to do, it was like we were/and actually still are rotating in the same circle, but we decided that enough is simply enough. He started to ignore her msgs, call, everything. Hardly she wrote ,,Hi, - it was pretty much always as some passive agressive attack. Whatever you would answer she would turn it as she wanted to, so to ignore her is the best way to avoid her.

BUT now, everyone is afraid, cause there is a possibility that she has a cancer and I must say - sadly it is not one of her lies. Situation seems to be pretty serious. Bf got a message from dad, if he could kindly ask to call her-after he ignored all of her attempts to contact him. And dad also wrote that maybe ,,Now is the time to burry ,,war axe,,. I know parents suffer from brother-sister not good relationship which lasts pretty long time already.. So my bf called her. It went quite ok, but still she tried to start her bulls-its anyway, but she was stopped to do so, otherwise my bf would quit the call. I HOPE she will be fine, I don´t wish to anyone anything bad and yes, it is a scary situation. But does it mean that cause of this unpleasant and time full of worries we should pretend like nothing has ever happend?

I know it is an extremely hard situation now, and i don´t wanna sound selfish, but I don´t want to have anything with her anymore. I just wish she will be fine, but that´s it. I let her to cross over my limits so many times that I can not do it for the sake of myself anymore. It takes me down. I had/have nightmares, or I can not sleep, I burst to cry, I am scared of like everything. And i want to get better. For myself, my bf, us. And I know I can do so, but it can not happen in the same circle. Just to add-Not long time ago she has also broke up with my ,,friend,,. Well, sadly we are not friends about those three years as well, it added to all even more pain, cause I liked her a LOT (yes, she also knows and knew how everything is and wasn´t happy about it. Tried to drink it up sometimes...We had a chat on that topic many, many times, but I think she was manipulated and not strong enough to step away and she said she can not be alone as well...).

You know, this s-it can seriously harm you. And it did already.

Yes, we all we are making our choices. I know I am NOT a perfect person and we all have some negative side(s) of ourselves. But I don´t hurt people on purpose to relieve my frustrations or cause of being insecure. Many things/hapennings can be forgiven, but definitely they shouldn´t be forgotten as a lesson for the /hopefully bright/ future.

How would you deal with this?

I don´t even know why did I write this all. It is for the first time I did it publicly. And I am sorry for my english, it is not my mother tongue.

Wishing to all of you many happy days! <3

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CKBlossom's picture
[441610]
Apr 18

A narcissist is never going to back down, this is hard because she is your boyfriend's twin, but things are never going to be normal or warm and fuzzy.

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[23475]
Apr 18

I would let ur boyfriend know how his twin sister is treating u. And that u got so upset u slapped her. Tell ur boyfriend, u dont want any contact with her, ur nerves cant take it. And see what he does on ur behalf. Will he defend ur honor or not? A man who loves u will defend ur honor, especially against his own family. Will he pick u or his twin? Interesting to find out.

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