There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up

lostandfoundtn's picture

There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up things I did not realize were traits. I understand the control factor and it tended to be on the rough side. At the beginning it was anytime, anywhere and as often as possible. Mine had another habit, the camera on his phone. He would turn video on or take pictures. The first few times it kind of bothered me but I chose to let it go. It became an obsession for him, almost like he couldn't get his without it. He was nearly always behind me, so I would notice a hesitation and catch him trying to get his phone camera on. I even caught him masturbating one day and it was a video of me he was watching, after withholding sex for weeks. I started telling him no, even knocking the phone out of his hands. Before I left, I had found all the messages to other women, but I also found a folder filled with pictures and video of me. Hundreds of images I had no idea he had taken, I was so disgusted and felt almost dirty. I deleted everything I could find. I never found evidence that he shared it or posted these anywhere, but it is a concern and I may never know. I haven't shared this because I was very embarrassed, but now I want to know if I am alone in this. It was sick and incredibly degrading.Why would he do that? What did he get out of it?

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Mosaic's picture
Apr 22


I was thinking about this the other day, how kids need to know, to learn together what their rights to their bodies are, not only with regard to nude pictures but to physical abuse. Not just a seminar, but like math class, every day, every year: no one is allowed to touch your body without your permission. And, spell out how some would manipulate a "permission" out of you; here's how your friends might push you into giving permission; here's how someone you like might get mad and abuse you with pictures you gave him/her willingly when things were 'great.' I think I wore my daughter's ears off preparing her for the scoundrels of the world. Now she is seeing how what a few of her friends allowed at different times of their teenybopper years are being brought back to hurt them.

And it's still 'uncool' to this generation to report these things to police, so, few pay for their crimes.

A funny thing recently: one boy kept sending his **** pics to my daughter's friend, along with a video he'd taken of her taking a shower a year or so earlier, where it was clear she did not know she was being filmed. My daughter found out the phone number of the boys' mother, he was 22 or something at this point, and she blacked out his penis (it was a full length picture of his body-and-face), and texted it to his mom and said, "You should tell your son not to send his **** pics to girls. I blacked out the penis so YOU didn't have to look at it."

I think if mothers and FATHERS started getting their sons' **** pics forwarded to them from young girls, there would be some screeching brakes on the sending out of them in the first place. So, too, for the girls' nasty pictures as well, with the parts blacked out. Then it's not porn, also, and not illegal to transmit.


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Karinah's picture
Apr 22

@Mosaic - You're right. The education needs to start early and happen often. The adults are going to have to get educated as well. Our society is pretty brainwashed and complicit. It is time to come up with real solutions. What are the actions parents should take? What exactly should parents & teachers say to their kids at the different ages/stages of their life? As far as kids sending the ****pics. The truth is, it is dangerous. Sexual predators hack into computers to get the underage pics and trade or sell them. They target kids and teach them to obtain nude pics from other kids. Predators will find kids who have been taught to be comfortable doing this and exploit/ stalk/ groom or molest them. Sometimes predators will "fall for" a kid then target them because they've been lusting after their pictures. So yes, if you ever see one of your friends with these images you need to tell an adult.
And this sadly, is no exageration. It's telling a kid how it is.

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Wispa's picture
10 hours ago

@pickone Thank you for helping me understand a little more. Narcissism and intimacy/love/affection/sex such a minefield. My exN & I clashed a lot in that area.


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