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There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up

lostandfoundtn's picture
[4875]

There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up things I did not realize were traits. I understand the control factor and it tended to be on the rough side. At the beginning it was anytime, anywhere and as often as possible. Mine had another habit, the camera on his phone. He would turn video on or take pictures. The first few times it kind of bothered me but I chose to let it go. It became an obsession for him, almost like he couldn't get his without it. He was nearly always behind me, so I would notice a hesitation and catch him trying to get his phone camera on. I even caught him masturbating one day and it was a video of me he was watching, after withholding sex for weeks. I started telling him no, even knocking the phone out of his hands. Before I left, I had found all the messages to other women, but I also found a folder filled with pictures and video of me. Hundreds of images I had no idea he had taken, I was so disgusted and felt almost dirty. I deleted everything I could find. I never found evidence that he shared it or posted these anywhere, but it is a concern and I may never know. I haven't shared this because I was very embarrassed, but now I want to know if I am alone in this. It was sick and incredibly degrading.Why would he do that? What did he get out of it?

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Wispa's picture
[4845]
Apr 24

@pickone Thank you for helping me understand a little more. Narcissism and intimacy/love/affection/sex such a minefield. My exN & I clashed a lot in that area.

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[108060]
Apr 24

I’m going to express my opinion here, as we are having a discussion. I may be putting myself out on a limb, but I’ve decided to take that chance. I’ve been around for a pretty long time, and I’ve seen our culture go from one extreme to another, in the past 50 years. It has been said it takes a village to raise children. But it does start at home with the parents; it starts there, but there has always been a greater force that takes over as children reach puberty and enter their teens. In today’s world, due to technology, social media, etc., I believe that force takes over a lot earlier. I’m talking about PEER PRESSURE!... Kids want to fit in, they want to be accepted by their peers, and it way outweighs the parents’ approval. Even if the right values are instilled early on, it can go out the window when peer pressure becomes the dominant force in a child’s life. If a child feels unheard, unimportant, not worthy or good enough, they feel unloved. That is the core issue: feeling insignificant, unloved, on the outside, and not accepted. Seeking love, acceptance, and validation has been the human journey since the dawn of time. But what has changed over time, is the way it’s been pursued. Personalities such as narcissists and sex addicts are extreme, and they have extreme voyeuristic traits as well. But I believe people in general have some of those traits as well, although to a much lesser degree. Everything in our culture now is focused on sexuality; it’s everywhere we look and turn. The thought of sending nude pictures to someone, back in the 50s and early 60s, was outrageous; possibly even depraved. I’m not saying it wasn’t done at all, but it certainly wasn’t the norm as it is today. If everyone’s doing it, how do you teach a child that it’s degrading, and shows a lack of self-value and self-respect?... Statistics show that addiction to sex and porn, and also cases of HOCD have greatly increased since the advant of social media. The businesses make tons of money, but they do it by exploiting children and adults. Being popular has always been a goal of childhood and young adulthood. But now one’s self-worth is determined by how many “likes” and followers someone has on social media. These are people whom they’ve never met, who don’t know anything about the person, except maybe a nude photo. What is more superficial and narcissistic than that?... The narcissistic abusers, predators, and toxic, self-centered people may be the extreme. But if things continue in this direction, in my opinion, mthe future generations will all be headed toward narcissism. How do you teach children to love and respect themselves, body and spirit, if they’re surrounded by superficial and ego-centered ideals, at every turn?......

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[108060]
Apr 24

@Wispa You’re very welcome!... Those are difficult areas for many people in relationships; with a narc, next to impossible!......

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